I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
nutella sex= disaster
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
