I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
