Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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