Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
