you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
