oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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