Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
