Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
