You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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