Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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