Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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