wat bout pragnant strippers??
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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