Apparently you make a good broom.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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