tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
