You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
