My hair reeks of homosexuality.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
