if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
