is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
