I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
