He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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