I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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