K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
