i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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