i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
