I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
