I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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