The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
