Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
