Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize