Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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