so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just cut my nipple shaving
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
