She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
