I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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