I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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