the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh god it's open bar.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
