so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize