Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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