At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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