I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
