Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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