the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My dick has a subreddit
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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