Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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