Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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