He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
