she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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