No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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