I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize