Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
