Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
