I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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