I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Found the puke drawer
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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