there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize