I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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