I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
