Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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