Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
