remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
soo... how was my night?
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