Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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