I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
