How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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