before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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