There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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